I am writing this letter the same day I scoured my apartment for all the little things I’ve collected from you over these past 3 years. Every article of clothing, every dusty hair tie, the hand painted post card you made me, each time I found something it reminded me of you. As I put everything in the box I realized I would no longer be happily surprised to find short shorts in my laundry, or hair ties between the floor and my mattress, this filled me with so much sadness.
These past few weeks I’ve longed for you every single day. I have tried to wait these feelings out, to see if the breakup was the right decision. But time makes it worse, for with each passing day is a day without you. I miss the warmth of your companionship, I miss counting down the days till I see you, I miss feeling whole when I’m with you.
It’s incredible how our love has endured, you’ve made me so happy from 1500 miles away. How is it that one of our FaceTime calls could make my day? Remember, I live on the Rock, the fact that a few pixels in the shape of your face could make me happy for the better part of 3 years is remarkable.
When I broke up with you, I thought I was making a logical decision. However, I let uncertainty cloud my feelings. I was never unhappy with you, not once, I never thought there was someone better for me out there. This being said I’ve come to the hard conclusion that I made a mistake.
I can’t imagine how unfair this is on you from being dumped to having to read this letter, for that I’m sorry. I must say this though, I want you back, more than anything. I say this knowing if we are together it’s for the long run, I’m willing to make sacrifices to make this a reality. I am willing to region-lock where I do my residency to make us work, and to expand my options for specialties. Talking to my advisor gave me insight, that this is easier than I had originally anticipated. Fourth year there is an a lot of down time and 0 exams, I want to spend that time with you, I want to spend all my time with you.
– Your poop sunshine (lando)