Not ready to let go

Not ready to let go

Not ready to let go

I just want you to know how much regret I have, and I don’t mean I regret meeting you, what I regret is the way I let myself push you away. It pains me that it took us breaking up to make me realize everything you said was right.

I treated you like the enemy when all you ever wanted to do was help me. All I knew before you was toxic and I couldn’t see that you were just trying to help me. I truly believe that you wanted a future with me but unfortunately i had to ruin that.

You deserve the world and I will always love you. I just want you to be happy and be the man I wish I was with but I was holding you back. I let my anxiety and depression get the best of me and let it eat at me to the point where I pushed you away. It’s not fair to rely on one person to fix all your problems and I did that and it was so wrong.

Although my heart wants to stay i know it’s best to let you go. Words can’t describe how hard it is because you were the one person who knew me, like truly knew me, and took me for all my bad and my good. You were my person, my love, and my everything. I’ll never forget our memories we created and shared, you were an amazing boyfriend and taught me what true love really is.  

Not that it matters but I wanted you to know that I’m going to therapy to try to figure out these communication problems and to figure out how to process my emotions better and overall just be better. Moving home I know that we are never going to have the chance to be together but I will never forget about you and if you ever find yourself in Orange County or SoCal at all don’t be a stranger because trust me it would make me so happy to see you.

I really hope that we can stay friends because you were my best friend and I still care about you very much. I love you so much that I’d just be happy to be your friend just so we could still be in each others life’s. I still remember the first time we met but more specifically what made me fall for you was those crazy dance moves and your love of curling. At that moment i knew you were a weird one just like me.

I hope one day you can hear The Lumineers playing smile and think of me and all the memories we shared together. I hope that you can remember the happy memories all the smiles, laughs, and silly goofy weird nights. I hope you can remember my love and the way we made each other feel.

Never settle for less than you deserve. I will never hate you I will only hate myself for letting myself lose my soulmate. I truly wish I could have met you just a little later in life because I know a better me and you would make the dream team but that’s just something I have to live with I’m so sorry again for everything. I will always have hope that when the time is right we will be together again.

Don’t forget you’ll always be my penguin.


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